What’s Your Number?

{Hello, wittle friend}

Like most women, I have that annoying disease where, in the course of a year, your weight can fluctuate anywhere from 5 to 7 – okay 10 – pounds. I think it’s called “Thatshowthecookiecrumbles-itis.” The most intriguing aspect of this otherwise lame affliction is looking through your closet and seeing sizes you never thought you’d need, and some you long to fit into again.

Right after grad school, I owned this pair of jeans that were a junior’s size 0 and served as a sort of benchmark for how much I weighed. (Mind you, they served at a time when I didn’t own a scale.) They were extremely itsy, which let me know as I got older that if I could glide into them without a problem, I was too thin. Conversely, when the thought of jamming one leg in became laughable, I knew it was time to put down the guac.

Two years ago, I donated those benchmark jeans to Goodwill, knowing that if the day ever came that I fit into them again, it would probably mean one of two things: 1) I had Benjamin Button-ed back to infancy or 2) I was six feet under/The Cryptkeeper.

That isn’t to say there aren’t some zero heroes living comfortably in my closet right now. In fact, I own every size in between a 00 and a 4 (and larger if you count the absurd child-like sizing at H&M and ASOS), which doesn’t seem weird to me at all. Although, I have to admit that when I went to college as a dripping-wet 99-pounder, I never thought I’d see the day that I fit a 4.

I guess I should be happy though. When I was 99 pounds – literally, people – I longed for the day I’d have a black girl booty, some hips and less chickeny legs. Now, that all those amazing, bootylicious things have come to pass, I have a diversity of sizes in my closet to show for it.

There are my rose-colored GAP trousers that say they’re a 0, but feel like a 2. A napkin-sized H&M miniskirt that’s allegedly an “8,” but barely covers my butt. (They should really be ashamed). A medium romper from Anthro that was the only non-huge size left on the sale rack. The 00 special-edition jacket you see in the photo above. And, my personal fave, a decade-old Banana Republic leather jacket livin la vida loca as an XS.

So, tell me: What surprising sizes are lurking in your closet?

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